Rules For Men That Feel Manly About Being Men

1. If it itches, I'm gonna scratch it.

2. The only reason for a man to watch
a "woman's movie" is if will increase
his chances of having sex.

3. The floor is my plate, and the carpet is my napkin.

4. If there's cleavage in the area, I'm gonna look.

5. When I've gotta "Step on the Duck",
stand back cause I'm not holdin' it in.

6. If a woman catches you doing something she doesn't like...
a. Act dumb.
b. Create a distraction.
c. Run.

7. Shutup while I'm eating.

8. It's not that I can't tell when a woman is faking
an orgasm, it's that I don't care.

9. If you're thinking of telling your wife or girlfriend something
that my shock, surprise, or offend them, take that
information and bury it then bury the shovel.

10. Flirting is fine as long as it leads to "Red Hot Monkey Sex".

11. Don't ask "Does this dress make me look fat"
unless you're prepared to hear me say
"I dunno, take it off and if you still look fat
then it's not the dress".